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Wilkommen

Welcome to the first online glossary of nearly true Germanic-Anglo translations, a Luftschloss developed for Herr Schmodder, known as the “Serbian Mr Bean.”

If you are confused by long German words, you’ll find absolutely no comfort here.

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Schmodder on a plane

This story involves a high flying executive of a global company, and his erstwhile production manager on a private jet.

Our hero, Herr Schmodder, is invited to sit at the board table on the jet (“erstaunlicheflugzeugbordtisch”). He realises that he is somewhat taller than his vertically challenged superior, and to make matters worse, his seat seems to be at full extension.

In a gallant move, Herr Schmodder presses the buttons on the side of his seat (“sitzknöpfeanderseite”, only to find that the seat itself is a fully automated (“robotersitzmiteigenemkopf”).

Herr Schmodder swings backwards, turns to the side and reclines flat.

His superior peers over the table and asks “Ummm… Are you comfortable there?”

Relax.

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Safety Schmodder

Herr Schmodder, a gentleman of significant height (“großeraffenmann”), was gifted a regulation yellow vest (“randalierenÜberhemd”) and a pair of steel toe-capped boots (“Stahlkappehohenabsätzen”) for factory inspections (“Wasistschiefgegangeninspektions”).

It is ironic that the safety boots increased Herr Schmodder’s height by a few centimetres, causing him to collide with the top of a door outside his office.

His co-workers rush to his aid, trying not to giggle at the giant sprawled out on the concrete, groaning and clearly dazed.

One of his witty colleagues leaned over him, and asked “Ummm… Are you comfortable there?”

Our advice: Don’t try this at home.

Testing door heights – post Brexit

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Schmodder Best Friend

Herr Schmodder likes to wave to his friends as he passes in his car.

Traditional Serbian greeting

And so it was, one evening, that a friend saw what he thought was Herr Schmodder waving from his passing car.

However, the person he saw was not waving with all of his fingers. In fact, he was waving only the middle one, which in many countries is viewed as rather rude.

So his friend called Herr Schmodders cellphone and left a friendly message “Arschelock, Ich sah dich winken” (‘Best friend, I saw you waving’.)

It transpired that it was not Herr Schmodder in the passing car, but Herr Schmodder got excited by his friend effusive language and wanted to return the compliment.

Unfortunately, Herr Schmodder mis-dialled, and reaching his boss cried out “Arsche….” before realising his mistake and hanging up.

Fortunately Herr Schmodder’s boss had the good nature to accept the excuse that it was a pocket dialling accident (“Schwanzwahlenunfall”).

This story loses a lot in translation but is actually very foony.

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Schmodder Neighbours

Herr Schmodder is a big fan of solid puddings. Not wobbly ones.

One evening, while entertaining some of his best friends, the doorbell rang and his new neighbours invited themselves in bearing a traditional wobbly pink pudding.

Herr Schmodder dancing with the neighbours daughter

Ahh! das ist schmodder!” declared our slightly tippsy host, causing consternation on the faces of the uninvited guests.

Herr Schmodder quickly recovered the situation by explaining that ‘schmodder’ was a Serbian word used to describe a wobbly
pink pudding.

This, of course, was a white lie. And Herr Schmodders neighbours did not seem overly convinced.

Perhaps this explains why Herr Schmodder’s Mini had a few scratches on it the next day.

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Silvester at Herr Schmodder’s

Every year, Herr Schmodder and his family have a New Year’s celebration to which they invite their best friends.

There are some strange traditions which guests are expected to observe, including:

  • Wearing Gold Lame shirts and fake sideburns
  • Smoking ludicrously large cigars
  • Blowing up the local neighbourhood with a lively firework display (“Größeblitzschlagfukenvironmentalistz”)
  • Dancing to Abba, and Serbian pop music

and;

  • Watching a 1920’s English skit of two old people getting pissed


100 Years of Dinner for One

On that final point, our dear German friends have been watching the same schmodder sketch for one hundred years now.

To celebrate it’s centenary, we have translated “Dinner for One” into German, and introduced two up to date characters.

Here, for the first time, for your indubitable delectation: Abendessen für eine